I'll Hold Your Hand
by ber1719
Summary: When he pulled away and took his bag from her, the moment was gone. They were themselves again, though a little changed from the fact that she had pushed aside her own selfishness for him. Kurt/Rachel friendship


**Chapter 1: Chapter 1**

* * *

**I'll Hold Your Hand**

She watched, silent and observant for once, as Kurt rose to his feet and approached Mr. Shuester. There was a determination in his expression that made her heart beat just a little faster. She couldn't explain her reaction to Kurt's expression in that moment. But somehow, deep within her, she began to understand that everything about her world was about to shift.

"Mr. Shue, if I may?" Kurt asked, his voice making something within her lurch. She'd seen that look before. Mostly because she'd had to do this exact same thing before in front of her fellow Glee clubbers. She'd had to plead for forgiveness. She'd had to beg them to forget that she'd been so selfish, so self-centered, so obstinate and unrelenting in her opinions.

"Yeah, sure," Will said, turning his brown eyes on his student. The Glee clubbers followed his lead and set their attention immediately on Kurt. The boy who had spurned every attempt of his classmates to comfort him in the only way that they knew how. The boy who, for no conscious reason at all, was adamant about going it alone in his situation. But here he was now. Dressed as fashionably as ever. Arms poised behind his back, his front exposed to his friends. His vulnerability, his very _soul_, bared to them. This was a boy trying to make amends in the only way _he _knew how.

"Um-I wanted to thank everyone for all your kind emails and queries about my dad," he began, shifting a little on his feet. Rachel stared at him and realized that in that moment, she'd never been more focused on anyone else in her life. Not even where Finn was concerned. Maybe it was because she saw herself staring back at her as his bright blue eyes settled on her for a moment longer than they had on Artie, "But for your information, his condition remains the same." She could feel the tension in the room. It was thick, inpenetrable, and suffocating. She wondered how Kurt was able to stand so strong through everything that he was dealing with. She wondered if anyone truly knew how deeply this was affecting the young man before them. Twisting her hands in her lap as anxiety tightened her throat, Rachel felt a sharp stab of pain rush down her spine at the thought that no matter how hard all of them prayed for Burt Hummel, he might make it out of this. She squeezed her eyes shut and pushed those dark thoughts from her mind. She wouldn't-couldn't give up on the man yet. She relaxed into her chair and opened her eyes just as Kurt began to talk again.

"I need to express myself. So, with your permission, Mr. Shue, I've prepared a number for the occasion," Kurt said, turning away from the rest of class to stare at his teacher. Rachel saw the sympathetic smile tugging at his lips. His hand fell down on Kurt's shoulder. The tendons in his hand bulged slightly when he applied pressure-confidence, empathy, understanding-to the spot before pulling away and nodding.

"Of course, Kurt," he replied. He walked slowly to Kurt's seat on the right side of the group. Everyone turned expectant eyes on Kurt, who took a deep breath before beginning again.

"On the day of my mom's funeral, when they were lowering her body into the ground, I was crying," he said, his eyes downcast and his voice trembling only slightly as he described one of the worst days of his life. Rachel's stomach gave a strange lurch. She couldn't help but feel the utmost admiration for what he was doing. He was sharing with all of them something that he couldn't have been comfortable talking about just so that they would understand and respect why he felt the way he did about God, "I mean that was it. That was the last time I was ever gonna see her.

"And I looked up at my dad. I just wanted him to say something. Just something to make me feel like my whole world wasn't over," he continued. His eyes were already rimmed with red, but Rachel could see more tears sparkling in those blue orbs. Making them glisten like the sun on the surface of the bluest ocean. It was heart breaking. Watching him bare his soul like that. Watching him re-live his past like that, "And he just took my hand and squeezed it. Knowing that those hands were there to take care of me...That was enough. This is for my dad."

She tensed, ready to hear what Kurt had to sing about. He'd said once that it took courage to get up and sing about something. For Rachel singing had always come pretty naturally so it wasn't so much courage for her as it was a part of herself. But this...this had to be the bravest thing she'd seen anyone do in a long time. For a strange and wild moment, Rachel just wanted him to look at her. Once. Before he started singing. She didn't know why and she couldn't place the feeling. After all, they weren't even friends were they? He was friends with everyone in Glee except for her. Not that she could exactly blame him, she admitted. In that moment, though, she felt a sort of connection with him. Even if his eyes were still lowered to the floor when his lips fell open and poured out the sweetest song.

She watched him sing. And it wasn't the song-the words, the melody-that was important. It was the emotion. The raw emotion that was seeping out of every inch of his body. Sorrow, pain, love, regret. She saw that struggle in the strained chords of his neck muscles. She saw it in the furrow of his eyebrows. She saw the uneven rise and fall of his chest. From that, she felt _herself _start to struggle. How could something like this happen to the Hummels? It seemed impossible, improbable, ridiculous. But it _had _happened and it _wasn't _impossible. She closed her eyes, and a single tear fell from her damp lashes. Her heart was pounding hard and fast within her chest.

She reached out. And her hand collided with Finn's arms. She grasped it, needing to feel that anchor. Needing to feel like she wouldn't float away and get lost in the song that was spilling out of Kurt's mouth. She didn't know what was wrong with her. She didn't know why when Kurt's eyes accidentally met her own she felt a desperate longing in her heart to hold _his _arm. To feel him holding her down.

"_I want to hold you hand," _Kurt sang, ending the song with a note that chilled Rachel to the bone. She looked on, helpless, as he hurriedly wiped the tears from his eyes before mumbling something and rushing out of the classroom. She could already hear the mutterings from the rest of the students. Even Finn had turned around in his seat and looked at everyone else. Beseeching and wondering. If Kurt would be alright. If one of them should follow him and try to talk to him.

It worried all of them. Not knowing what to do for him. Not knowing how to talk to him anymore, how to smile with him anymore. It was like Kurt, the boy they all knew and loved, had disappeared in the wake of the horror that had been dropped in his lap. It was almost like Kurt was the one laying in the hospital bed, unconscious and comatose. She shuddered, her whole body reacting in terror at the very though of something like that happening to Kurt. They had their differences but she had always looked up to Kurt. For being so utterly confident in knowing exactly who he was. Rachel had always known she was a singer, but what else did she have going for her?

Rachel stood up abruptly, effectively cutting off her line of thoughts. She knew that she wouldn't be missed. They were all too absorbed in the conversation about Kurt. She knew that she was the only one who could do this. He was angry and upset and hurt. She knew that right now, at his most vulnerable, he was most likely to strike out at anyone who would offer him help. She could be that object of his venting. God knew they'd all had to put up with it from her more times than she could count. She grabbed his bag and slung it over her shoulder before going to the girl's bathroom down the hallway. Everyone else was still in class, so she knew they probably wouldn't be interrupted.

She didn't even know why she was doing this. Confusion warred inside her head. She was selfish, annoying, over-bearing Rachel Berry. She wasn't this person. This person who actively _sought out _someone who wasn't even her friend just so that he could yell at _her _instead of one of his actual friends. The truth was that the song he'd dedicated to his father was one of the most beautiful things she'd ever heard. The song that had brought a gleam, however faint, and a smile, however small, to his face. And something about the way he'd sung that had touched her. _Truly _touched her deep inside. She wanted to be there for him when no one else could be. When no one else knew how to be there for him.

She grimaced when she heard someone sobbing quietly in the boy's bathroom. She had hoped that she wouldn't have to go in there and risk getting caught by Karofsky and his idiotic friends. But, she doubted that they would be caught by those goons. They were on opposite sides of the school for now. She hoped anyway. Squaring her shoulders, she pushed open the door and stepped inside the bathroom. She didn't pay attention to the smell, the lack of cleanliness, or the out-of-order signs on all but one of the stalls.

Kurt was standing with his back to her at one of the sinks. His tapered fingers were gripping the sides of the sink so hard that his knuckles were white. His arms were shaking and she could tell that he was trying to control himself. Trying to reign in his emotions.

"Kurt?" she muttered, so softly that she was surprised he'd heard it. Maybe he'd been waiting for it. Maybe he'd been waiting for her. Because right on cue, he whipped around. His blue eyes were ablaze. He didn't bother trying to hide the fact that he'd been crying since he left the Choir Room. He didn't bother trying to hide the passionate anger in his heart either when he opened his mouth.

"What do _you _want, Rachel? Don't you get it? I just want to be left alone. I just want one damn minute without one of you guys trying to help me," he said, his tone more vicious and cutting than it ever had been to her. She sucked in a breath, fighting against the urge to turn tail and run from him. Seeing him like this was terrifying. But she couldn't leave him. She couldn't run from the situation. Because that would means he'd be running from her own conscience. From her own need to comfort him. She might not be friends with Kurt, but she wanted to help him. She didn't have to understand it, but it was there. Tight and tense in the pit of her stomach.

"Kurt, I just..."

"You just what? Rachel, I don't know if you've noticed this, but my father is in the hospital and the _last _person I want to talk to right now is you. I don't even know why you followed me. We don't even like each other," he said, his shoulders sagging slightly. The irises of his eyes had lightened slightly and she could see something that was undeniably _Kurt _lingering in the set of his mouth. And then he turned toward the mirror again and just stared into the eyes of his reflection. Those eyes that contained so much depth, so much emotion. Rachel had never realized how beautiful they were before, "Why _are _you here?"

"I-I don't know. I guess I just didn't want you to yell at any of the others. It doesn't matter so much with me, since as you put it, we don't even like each other. I don't mind you yelling at me," Rachel replied. She knew it was a lie. All of it was a lie. Well she really didn't want Kurt to yell at the other members of Glee just because they wanted to help him through this. It wasn't okay that he'd yelled at her. It hurt. Somewhere in the center of her heart, it hurt. So much that every second felt like she was fighting tooth and nail just to stay. But she was doing it wasn't she?

Something warm and soft landed on her cheek. She glanced upwards, brown eyes agape with astonishment and confusion, "What-what are you doing?" Kurt smiled. It was slight, so small she would have missed it if she'd blinked, but there. He patted her cheek, something like an affectionate smile playing on his lips.

"Has anyone ever told you that you're a terrible liar?" he asked her before pulling her into his arms. She smiled against the red jacket that he'd worn that day, "Thank you, Rachel." Her smile grew. Somehow, they had come to some sort of understanding. It seemed like _finally _they were connecting on some level. So, all she could do-the only thing that felt right, was to wrap her arms around him in turn.

"You're welcome, Kurt." And for that one moment, her confusions and doubts and worries over the boy that was holding her, faded away. For that one moment, it all made sense to her. But of course all good things must end. When he pulled away and took his bag from her, the moment was gone. They were themselves again, though a little changed from the fact that she had pushed aside her own selfishness for him. Changed from the fact that he'd pushed his anger and hurt away to let her in.

**Hey readers! So I'm new to the Glee category. I've never posted in here before, but I really hope you liked this one-shot. I've been debating with myself for the better part of two days whether or not I should just continue this one-shot into a full out multi-chapter fic...as of right now, the answer is no. Eventually I would like to explore the Kurt/Rachel relationship a bit further. I know I'm crazy, but I love the idea of Kurt and Rachel as a romantic couple. It's ridiculous and I can only explain it by the fact that Chris Colfer is possibly one of the cutest, most talented men I've ever had the pleasure of seeing in a television show. But of course if the man was straight he would lost everything about himself that makes him so adorable! **

**That being said, I hope that for now, you can take this fic for what it is and possibly(pretty please with a cherry on top)leave a review for me. It can be: "Loved it. Can't wait to see more from you." or: "Wow, the Rachel and Kurt romance comment really threw me off." SOMETHING! Just so that I can know that this one-shot is sort of okay. Thanks guys and I can't wait to see more of some of you here in this category!**


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